Not suitable for children...

The Princess & the Penis - R.J. Silver

A hilarious tongue-in-cheek version of The Princess and the Pea.

Not appropriate for kids.



Princess Amalia cannot sleep. There is a lump in his bed and she wakes up with a pain in her rump.

And it has a peculiar form...

“You said it was big,” said Aunt Leila. “Exactly how big?”

“Well,” answered the princess, “I could easily place both hands on it, one above the other, with plenty of room above and below.”

“Oh dear,” said Aunt Ingrid. “How thick was it?”

“Hmmm, let’s see. I think my fingers could reach only half way around it.”

“Good Lord!” said Aunt Leila. “Are you sure it wasn’t just a giant clump of feathers?”

“I don’t think so,” said Amalia, “because it grew when I touched it. In fact, the more I touched it, the bigger and harder it got.”

“They tend to do that,” said Aunt Ingrid.


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Princess Amalia is a sheltered youth. She has no notion of improper actions. Strangely enough, she wants to do improper actions with the lump in her bed.

The king is outraged, he only wants to get rid of this "phantom phallus". His father orders to change her mattress, her bed frame, he calls the doctor, the wizard... but not suck luck.

And her fiancé is coming in a few days...

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You can read it for free online, or download it for free here.